Dream Girl
I'm only happy when I'm sleeping (Madness & (May)hem: Day 30)
CW: Drug Abuse, Suicidal Ideation
I always got lost in those endless blue eyes, so full of life, sparkling like stars on a crisp summer night. Her curly blonde hair danced in the wind as we sat outside in our backyard. The setting sun painted hues of orange and red across her skin.
Her touch was warm and comforting. I closed my eyes and smiled as I felt her hand brush my own. Her name was Skyler—the girl of my dreams.
Then I woke up.
The first thing that hit me was a musty smell that seemed to emanate from the carpet and the walls in equal measure.
The ceiling fan above me squealed as it shook violently with each rotation. I threw the sheet off and sighed deeply as I climbed out of bed.
I walked into the bathroom and leaned over the stained sink. The face in the mirror was tired in every sense of the word.
Every night, I went to sleep and woke up in another life. One where I had a great career, a gorgeous house, a loving wife, and two beautiful kids.
I wanted that life more than anything, but no matter what I did, I always woke up the next day in this world where everything was shit and my existence was pointless.
I looked down at the empty orange pill bottles on the counter beside the sink. Even with those little helpers, I still had to wake up, shower, log into my remote job, and feed myself.
All so I can finally go back.
This had been going on for months now. I never dreamed about anything else. Part of me wondered if that was the real world and this was just some nightmare.
It was all becoming a blur. I popped a few of the pills and chased them with an old glass of water on the bathroom sink.
I turned the light off and wandered through the living room. It was all a mess, covered in garbage, fast food wrappers, and empty cups. I noticed something else, though, something out of place.
It was a simple lamp with a spherical red base and a white lampshade, but it wasn't one I'd ever bought.
It seemed oddly familiar, like staring at a physical manifestation of Déjà vu. I was entranced by it, so much so that I stood there for several minutes trying to figure out where I recognized it from.
I broke out of the trance as I felt the sleeping pills starting to do their job. I went straight to my bed and threw myself down, shutting my eyes and smiling. Ready to dream.
"Hey, sweetheart, did you forget to set your alarm?"
When I opened my eyes, daylight streamed in through a nearby window. The smell of lavender and lilac wafted through the air. A cool breeze descended on me from a quiet fan spinning above.
I rolled over and saw Skyler standing beside the bed. Her smile made my heart skip a beat. She giggled as I sat up and looked around the room with groggy, half-opened eyes.
The transition was always sudden and disorienting, but her voice reminded me I was right where I needed to be.
"What time is it?" I asked.
"It's just after noon, but don't worry, I already made you a pot of coffee."
I stood up and wrapped my arms around her. She squeezed me tight and sighed.
"I love you, baby."
"I love you too."
She walked over to the bedroom door and leaned against the frame.
"Go ahead and get dressed. We'll head out as soon as you're ready."
"Where are we going?"
"To the lake, remember? You told the kids you'd bring them out on the boat."
I nodded despite having no memory of the plan. It sounded terrific, nonetheless.
"Right, sorry I'm so scatterbrained."
Skyler walked back over and pressed her lips against mine. A chill ran down my spine. Her kiss was electric.
"You're doing your best, baby, don't sweat it."
I watched her leave the room and stood with a ridiculous grin painted on my face. I couldn't ask for a more perfect life. I went into the bathroom and brushed my teeth before walking down the hall.
I passed the bedroom our son and daughter shared, stopping to look inside. My stomach dropped as my breath caught in my throat.
Sitting on the dresser between their two beds was an unassuming lamp. It had a round red base and a simple white lampshade. Staring at it hurt my eyes like I was looking into the sun.
I looked away as a searing streak of pain shot through my forehead. I stumbled back into the hall and saw Skyler’s eyes go wide.
“Hey, are you okay?” she asked.
Her voice was distant. The world around me blurred as I lost my footing and fell backward. Before I hit the ground, a stiff mattress caught my fall.
I was back in my sweat-soaked bed with the rickety fan spinning above me.
“No! I don’t want to be here!” I shouted, tearing the sheets of my body.
I ran into the bathroom and ripped the lid of my sleeping pills. My eyes counted them, one by one, as I dropped them into my open palm.
I ate them like candy, drinking the stale water from the faucet to wash them down. I couldn’t stand to be here another second. I had to go back, even if it killed me.
I climbed back into my bed and shut my eyes. Every second was agony.
Please. Please. Let me go back.
Sleep didn’t come, though. I tossed and turned as anger turned to despair. I threw the blankets off as tears soaked my pillowcase.
“I’m going back, one way or another!” I screamed.
I got out of bed again and stomped into the living room. I started throwing things, shattering cups, crushing boxes; nothing was safe as rage poured out of me.
I went into the kitchen and ripped open one of the drawers. I pulled out my sharpest knife and sat hypnotized as the stale lights danced across its surface.
I turned my palm upward and laid the blade against the skin of my wrist. The cold metal was comforting.
The pills aren’t working. Maybe I need to try something more drastic?
I didn’t own a gun, so this was the next best thing. An escape. A way out.
A way back to her.
I walked out of the kitchen, still holding the knife. My eyes landed on the red lamp sitting amongst the garbage and shattered pieces of my life.
Suddenly, my thoughts became consumed by it, like that lamp was the most interesting thing in the universe. I walked over and picked it up, but my eyes got lost in the glossy red shimmer of its exterior.
A bolt of pain struck like lightning behind my eyes. I threw it down with all my might and watched it shatter against the floor.
A crack ran up through the floor and across the wall as it hit the ground. A blinding white light escaped from behind it.
Am I hallucinating?
The crack spread and branched across my vision. It ran between my feet, across the ceiling, and behind me into the hall as the piercing light blinded me.
Water, or some liquid, rushed into my mouth and nostrils. I couldn’t breathe. I blinked rapidly, trying to take in my surroundings, but everything was blurry. I tried to move my arms and legs, but they were suspended in the strange liquid.
Muffled voices came through the chaos, but they were distant.
“What the fuck happened?”
“I don’t know, this shouldn’t be possible.”
“Put him back in, now! We can’t afford to lose all our progress.”
“I’m trying!”
My lungs burned in my chest as I tried desperately to breathe. My heart thundered as I thrashed about. I could feel wires snaking their way across my chest and head.
“Just put him into the other iteration!”
What’s happening?
Where am I?
I can’t breathe!
“Baby! Hey! Wake up!”
Everything went blank for a brief moment before my eyes opened once again. I took a deep breath as I sat up. Morning sunlight streamed in from a nearby window. I felt a delicate touch on my cheek.
“It’s alright, baby; you were having a nightmare.”
I turned to my right and saw my wife, Skyler, looking back at me. I took a few more slow, deep breaths to calm myself.
“Right, sorry.”
“There’s no need to apologize, sweetheart. It seemed intense. Do you remember anything?”
My thoughts were a blur. I recalled sadness, regret, and panic. Wires, voices, something about an iteration? I think a part of me put the pieces together. Part of me knew the truth.
The rest of me didn’t care.
“I can’t remember much,” I said.
Skyler shrugged. “It’s probably for the best.”
Our daughter, Kaylee, ran into the room. Tears streamed down her face as she furiously tried to wipe them away.
We both climbed out of bed and walked over to her. I knelt as she draped her arms over my shoulders and sobbed.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” I asked.
“It was an accident!” she cried.
I had no idea what she was talking about. I looked over to Skyler, who was just as confused.
“It’s okay, my love; why don’t you show us what happened?”
Kaylee took my head and led me down the hall to her and her brother’s bedroom. On the floor between the beds was a red lamp. The base was shattered into several pieces.
I felt strange as I looked at it.
“I’m sorry, Daddy!” Kaylee cried.
I gave her a hug and a kiss on the forehead.
“It’s perfectly fine, accidents happen. Why don’t you get breakfast with your brother, and I’ll clean this up?”
Kaylee nodded and ran out of the room. I stood up and felt Skyler gently touch my waist.
“Everything okay?” she asked.
I looked down at the broken lamp before turning around to stare into her endless blue eyes.
I kissed her and smiled.
“Yeah, everything’s perfect. Being with you is like a dream come true.”
Very interesting and chilling. He seemed to be stuck between a nightmare and a dream. Reality seemed to be hidden.
Suspenseful. Clever and a detailed look at how we can get caught up in our Dreamworld so much that we neglect the real one that we live in. Great writing. This is one of my favorites.