Preparing for Pandemonium
A story for The Halls of Pandemonium Challenge: Day 6
This is my entry for Day 6’s prompt in The Halls of Pandemonium challenge. Tune in to episode 68 of The Saved as Draft Podcast on Friday, May 8th, to hear this story narrated on the show.
Bradley was exhausted, out of breath, and very hungry. Despite his body screaming for rest and nourishment, he pushed forward through the halls of Lord Devereaux’s impressive manor.
He was heading to the dining room, which doubled as a library.
“I really wish Lord Devereaux kept actual food in this house,” he muttered under his breath.
Bradley stepped into the dining room and walked past the towering bookshelves that surrounded the banquet table in the center. Sitting at the head of the table was Lord Devereaux, a humanoid entity with skin that clung to his bones like plastic wrap.
He was dressed in a vest and jacket, sporting his iconic top hat. Draped around his shoulders like a living scarf was Viscount Valegrave. A lamprey from another world, and Lord Devereaux’s second cousin, twice removed.
Lord Devereaux clapped his bony hands together as Bradley stepped into view.
“Ah, Bradley, you’ve arrived. The Viscount and I were just about to begin our presentation.”
Bradley paused and looked at the rest of the table. Familiar faces looked back at him. Arnold, Golum (not to be confused with Gollum, who is copyrighted), the two Announcers, David the Narrator, and, of course, the bard Finton Merrybrook.
"There you are! We’ve been waiting on you,” Finton said.
“Sorry everyone, I was just looking for something to eat,” Bradley said, taking a seat at the back of the table.
“Are we not surrounded by nourishment? There are books aplenty in my manor,” Lord Devereaux said, grinning through ink-stained teeth.
“We’ve been over this a thousand times, Lord Devereaux,” Bradley said, “I don’t eat stories like you and the Viscount.”
The lamprey draped around Lord Devereaux’s neck chuckled. “Such primitive creatures. How you’ve managed to survive this long is a mystery to me.”
Bradley chuckled. “Honestly, I agree. Okay, so do we have a plan to enter Pandemonium next week?”
Lord Devereaux stood to his feet as a projector screen descended from the ceiling behind him.
“But of course! The Viscount has prepared what you humans call a slide deck. This will illustrate our upcoming journey into that realm of creative chaos.”
Lord Devereaux stood perfectly still as the screen slowly descended behind him.
“A bit slow, isn’t it?” Finton asked.
Lord Devereaux sighed. “Indeed.”
A door opened across the room. A hulking bald man entered, dressed in a blue jumpsuit. The front of the suit sported the logo for a plumbing company called Clog Killers.
“Hey, quick question for you. What year was this house built?” the plumber asked.
Lord Devereaux tapped one of his slender fingers against his chin. “I don’t believe your kind has a way of measuring time prior to the creation of your universe. Unless I’m mistaken?”
Bradley ignored the implications of Lord Devereaux’s comment and instead looked at the plumber with a suspicious gaze.
“Hey, aren’t you the assassin who was hired to kill me twice now?” he asked.
The plumber nodded. “That’s right, and I still might!”
“Then what are you doing running a plumbing company? Is it a front?”
The plumber shook his head. “Absolutely not! Clog Killers is a fully legitimate business. We’ve all got to wear a lot of hats in this economy.”
Bradley shrugged. “Yeah, that’s fair.”
The plumber looked back at Lord Devereaux, “I didn’t understand a word of what you just said, so I’m going to put down 1968.”
Lord Devereaux nodded as the screen behind him lit up with the first slide of his presentation:
“Wow, I like the design!” Arnold exclaimed, clapping his hands.
“Yes, it’s quite nice,” Finton agreed.
“We wants more fishies,” Golum added.
Bradley smiled at the design. “This isn’t bad, Viscount Valegrave. What program did you use?”
The viscount grinned, showing a circular mouth full of teeth. “I used Canva!”
Lord Devereaux clicked through to the next slide:
“As you can see, Pandemonium is not a realm to be taken lightly,” Lord Devereaux said.
Viscount Valegrave nodded. “Yes, it’s quite unpredictable! That is why we must prepare ourselves accordingly.”
Bradley raised his hand, garnering the attention of everyone at the table.
“Yes, Bradley?” Lord Devereaux asked.
“We’ve been gathering stories to take with us. The Viscount told me those would help tame the realm since they came from prompts I gave the community. What else do we need?”
Before anyone could answer, the two Announcers also raised their hands.
“This sounds dangerous. Can we just sit back and comment on what happens?” one asked.
“Yeah, that’s what we’re good at!” the other added.
David shook his head. “The role of narrator is already taken.”
Bradley tried to mask his laughter. “It’s fine, you three, the Viscount is going first next week, right?”
The Viscount nodded. “Yes, I will be the first one to cross the threshold with the current batch of stories. However, I will need additional supplies. Next slide, please.”
Lord Devereaux clicked the remote in his hand. A new slide appeared on the projector screen:
Bradley sat up in his chair. “Is that Lord Devereaux in a panda suit? Did The Circus Dragon draw that?”
Lord Devereaux nodded. “You are correct on both counts. The suit is quite comfortable, as are the slippers, but that is hardly the focus here.”
“I don’t know, it feels like that should be the focus here. It’s quite hilarious,” Finton mused.
Bradley laughed. “For once, I agree with Finton. Oh, and I think that last one is gonna be a problem, Viscount.”
The Viscount’s tiny eyes went wide. “What do you mean? We need at least that many stories if we hope to save this world from being devoured by Pandemonium!”
Bradley nodded. “I understand, but we haven’t hit this week’s secret objective goal. I just don’t know if you’ll have enough in time for next week.”
The Viscount shook his head. “Well, I suppose we’ll have to make do with what we have. It’s not like the entire world is at stake or anything.”
Arnold raised his hand. “I could write fifty stories! I’ll call them the protein chronicles!”
Bradley shook his head. “Thank you, Arnold, but I have faith that the community will get us there. Either way, we’ll make it work. So, what’s the plan once the Viscount gets back?”
Lord Devereaux smiled. “That is a story for another time. And besides, don’t you have a podcast to record?”
Golum smiled through crooked teeth “Yeah! Say the name!”
Bradley smiled. “Guys, this is a story, not an intro to the podcast. Saying the name doesn’t work here.”
Finton threw his hands into the air. “Well, I wish someone had sent me the memo! Here I was waiting for someone to mention the Saved as Draft Podcast!”
Bradley stared at Finton as the smile on his face grew.
A spark of realization glimmered in the bard’s eyes. “Oh, no! You tricked me into saying it!”
Bradley stood up and headed towards the door, waving to the group.
“Thank you, Finton!”
THE STORY CONTINUES IN WEEK 2…
Thanks for Reading! Here’s Your Musical Pairing
A chaotic song for a chaotic writing challenge.
Can I just add, in heard this entire story in my head as I read it?!?! Talk about making a mark on reality Bradley. 💝🙌💝
This was so good. I can’t wait for next week!