Maannnn you've done it again! I knew I hated Allen the first I read their convo!! Also I haven't met an Allen that I liked so... to say this was great is an understatement, the dialogue was set so naturally that it made the thing believable like it's something that could happen. The twist was an extra punch I didnt need. Wel done as always 👏👏👏👏
Haha, you know, come to think of it, I don't think I've known an Allen I liked either. I'm glad you liked the experimental format and, of course, the twist!
I agree! Since this was a flash fiction I had to keep it short, but a lot of folks are curious about this setting, so keep an eye out for a longer follow-up story in the future!
Omg!!! I loved this Bradley, but who was actually on board? Allen or Cameron? I need more info!!! Okay maybe it was only Cameron on board, since Cameron didn't seem to know much about Allen? I need answers!!
Haha, thank you for checking it out! You picked up on a few of my hints; Allen was indeed the one who wasn't "real," at least in our sense of the term. His lack of knowledge was meant to be a clue, as you correctly surmised.
I was limited by the flash fiction format here, but I'll most likely do a follow-up story in a similar format since multiple folks have asked about it.
Hahaha, such is the curse of flash fiction. I do agree, though, that there's more to be done here. I'll likely do a follow-up story outside of Flash Fiction February that expands on this concept.
Yeah! I think I'll probably do more like this with different settings and a bit longer than flash fiction. It's a unique challenge; thanks for checking this one out!
I dig it. almost anything ocean related I'm on board. wrap that up in extra dimensional stuff and you got me salivating. I got one story criticism. unless I misinterpreted it. The dude that is going down in this sub. I imagine would of had similar training to astronauts, so like rigorous mental evaluations and junk. So putting someone under that stress in that state of their life seems wildly irresponsible. unless it was meant to be that it was the breach convincing him to do it. But that falls a little short to me as well, as again if he was deemed mentally well enough I imagine it would take a bit to crack him and/or he would of caught onto the manipulation. It's just a story beat and my own gripe i got during reading.
The format was dope and I enjoyed it, wish their was more, even getting close to the breach and seeing how it effected him then. I did like the twist, but wish it was more hinted at through the dialog, if able. I know it can sound stilted if you put to much info in dialog. But you know I love my context clues!
all in all, great piece. you just need a creature in it and you would of checked most of my boxes hahah.
Hey, thank you so much for the detailed feedback, Spencer! I wanted to get a creature in here for sure, haha, I agree that it would have really elevated the piece. You bring up som really good points regarding the training, that's an angle I didn't consider.
I'll have to apply this feedback to a follow-up for sure, one that's not confined to a flash fiction. Thanks again for taking the time to share your thoughts!
What a good read. You really managed to build the suspense well between the two voices, especially as the story begun ramping up. This feels like something taken straight from the intro of a horror/sci-fi film, which you nailed perfectly. Great job!
Haha, thank you! I was super excited earlier when I got the idea, and since I like to experiment, I went for the audio transcripts angle. So glad you liked it!
Wow, what a journey. Short but it definitely packed a punch. I really enjoyed it. The interaction felt natural - though I knew that there had to be something. I've thought, for a moment, that he had been talking to himself. Two sides that rarely come out. Then again, with the end-twist, it's still a possibility. Great work!
Maannnn you've done it again! I knew I hated Allen the first I read their convo!! Also I haven't met an Allen that I liked so... to say this was great is an understatement, the dialogue was set so naturally that it made the thing believable like it's something that could happen. The twist was an extra punch I didnt need. Wel done as always 👏👏👏👏
Haha, you know, come to think of it, I don't think I've known an Allen I liked either. I'm glad you liked the experimental format and, of course, the twist!
Yup! I’m gonna read that again.. saving it!
I still want to know what's on the other side...
I agree! Since this was a flash fiction I had to keep it short, but a lot of folks are curious about this setting, so keep an eye out for a longer follow-up story in the future!
Omg!!! I loved this Bradley, but who was actually on board? Allen or Cameron? I need more info!!! Okay maybe it was only Cameron on board, since Cameron didn't seem to know much about Allen? I need answers!!
Haha, thank you for checking it out! You picked up on a few of my hints; Allen was indeed the one who wasn't "real," at least in our sense of the term. His lack of knowledge was meant to be a clue, as you correctly surmised.
I was limited by the flash fiction format here, but I'll most likely do a follow-up story in a similar format since multiple folks have asked about it.
Yes, I feel like that was a clever thing to do, to give us hints. I know it's flash fiction but I think this could work in a longer format for sure!
I also want to add that this story reminded me of the Titan Oceangate. 😢
No… come back and finish this. You will not leave me hanging like this.
Hahaha, such is the curse of flash fiction. I do agree, though, that there's more to be done here. I'll likely do a follow-up story outside of Flash Fiction February that expands on this concept.
Wait, what did I just read???
I love these transcript style stories. It's fun to write in.
Yeah! I think I'll probably do more like this with different settings and a bit longer than flash fiction. It's a unique challenge; thanks for checking this one out!
No problem.
I dig it. almost anything ocean related I'm on board. wrap that up in extra dimensional stuff and you got me salivating. I got one story criticism. unless I misinterpreted it. The dude that is going down in this sub. I imagine would of had similar training to astronauts, so like rigorous mental evaluations and junk. So putting someone under that stress in that state of their life seems wildly irresponsible. unless it was meant to be that it was the breach convincing him to do it. But that falls a little short to me as well, as again if he was deemed mentally well enough I imagine it would take a bit to crack him and/or he would of caught onto the manipulation. It's just a story beat and my own gripe i got during reading.
The format was dope and I enjoyed it, wish their was more, even getting close to the breach and seeing how it effected him then. I did like the twist, but wish it was more hinted at through the dialog, if able. I know it can sound stilted if you put to much info in dialog. But you know I love my context clues!
all in all, great piece. you just need a creature in it and you would of checked most of my boxes hahah.
Hey, thank you so much for the detailed feedback, Spencer! I wanted to get a creature in here for sure, haha, I agree that it would have really elevated the piece. You bring up som really good points regarding the training, that's an angle I didn't consider.
I'll have to apply this feedback to a follow-up for sure, one that's not confined to a flash fiction. Thanks again for taking the time to share your thoughts!
What a good read. You really managed to build the suspense well between the two voices, especially as the story begun ramping up. This feels like something taken straight from the intro of a horror/sci-fi film, which you nailed perfectly. Great job!
Thanks for checking it out, Hazel! Another quality story created during one of the writing sprints you host each week! I knew they were good luck. 👏
Wow. What a twist and what brilliant writing, Bradley 💜
Thank you, Nazish! I’m always incredibly happy when an experimental story like this finds its audience. Really glad you enjoyed it!
Woahhhhhh that twist was so dope. I actually love this one. You really outdid yourself. This warrants a re read!
Haha, thank you! I was super excited earlier when I got the idea, and since I like to experiment, I went for the audio transcripts angle. So glad you liked it!
Wow, what a journey. Short but it definitely packed a punch. I really enjoyed it. The interaction felt natural - though I knew that there had to be something. I've thought, for a moment, that he had been talking to himself. Two sides that rarely come out. Then again, with the end-twist, it's still a possibility. Great work!
WHOA!! New favorite story alert!
I am totally floored, this story is wild! I did not see that twist coming at all!