this is stunning! i like the apocalypse vibe, and omg the story at the heart of this is so emotional and moving already. the dedication is making me tear up 🥹 this is incredible friend!
'No one really remembers how it started, but I remember how it ended. Not with a roar, but with a whimper, as the last vestiges of humanity wandered the Earth with their tongues cut out.
It spread through language. Words became a pathogen. Communication was a death sentence. At one point, in a final act of desperation, people started cutting out the tongues of the infected. As if that would do anything. That’s when people started to refer to the infected as Hushed. Just like the disease itself, it caught on quickly.'
Simple, elegant, solid hooks - like a pro-MMA fighter hitting a combination on a heavy bag. This is how you break the rules of 'show, don't tell' by showing through telling. I like the fact you went from your TV interview to slamming the lid on humanity's coffin, while evoking meaning for the character and reader in the superficially uncertain title - the significance of 'Her Voice' becomes crystal clear. Again, very clean prose, with a denouement that precedes meaningful action. Good job, especially since I make no secret about being a snob 🧐
Haha, thank you so much! This is wonderful feedback, and you're absolutely right on the meaning of "Her Voice" becoming clear here. It sounds like you have high standards when it comes to writing, so I am honored that you've enjoyed this series so far!
You're welcome. I particularly like the name 'Hushed' for the infected, it's a very onomatopoeic word. I'd like to see some more characterisation as you're clearly capable of it, but that obviously depends on your scope intended for the story, in terms of length and depth. At the moment, it's a bit like a series of Picasso sketches where you're distilling the 'essence of the thing' down to its simplest form.
Absolutely, I'm glad you like the names I came up with (I usually joke that names are not my strong suit). I'd be curious to see how you like the character development in chapters 3-5, but I agree that scope limits that, to a point.
That being said, my cosmic horror novel I'm working on has 6 POVs and is very much an exercise in complex characters. It's also 35K words so far, so I have a lot more space to work with, haha.
Hey, if it's working as you intended it, then that's fine. There's just plenty of balls to kick (in either context) and a wide field to score with, as I see it. Six POVs is a lot to work with though, hope that's going alright! Do you have a final word count goal in mind for it?
I have two main protagonists in my books, who get full length chapters (5500 word avg), then I usually write shorter chapters for non-standard events or bit-pieces with the one deuteragonist I introduced in my second book, in addition to a page or two for the odd non-specific event like a dream vignette etc. Like you, I've come to control my pacing quite effectively in that regard.
Very nice, yeah six POVs is a lot, but between you and me, a few of them won't survive until the second book, haha.
The premise is also global in nature, so I wanted a wide variety of perspectives and types of people to show essentially the downfall of civilization from a few different angles.
That being said, I'm also focusing on making the characters feel unique, and so far, I feel like they all have a slightly difference "voice" which is good. I'm aiming for 70-80K words or so, currently just over 1/3 of the way through my outline.
Ahh, you'll have that done in no time. Is it something you intend to publish through Amazon or just on here / the net in general? Sounds like you have quite a macro scope to your storylines, based on 'Her Voice' and what you've imparted here.
I really enjoyed these chapters and I feel this one was even better than the last. This is definitely an amazing hook and I can’t wait to read more and found out even more information about this world you’ve created. Excellent work so far!
Hey, thank you so much for this awesome feedback! I’m really glad you’re enjoying it so far. I’ll be releasing new chapters daily, and the finale will also have multiple endings in a choose your own adventure format!
Thank you so much, that means a lot. I do think the upcoming chapters are a bit longer. The finale will be the longest because there’s 4 endings (3 bad endings and one good, true ending).
Can’t wait to hear your thoughts on the rest of the series!
Haha, I'm so glad you're enjoying it, Stephanie! I'll be posting new chapters daily (five total). The finale will also have a choose your own adventure element, so you'll get to decide how it ends!
this is stunning! i like the apocalypse vibe, and omg the story at the heart of this is so emotional and moving already. the dedication is making me tear up 🥹 this is incredible friend!
Thank you, Isabella, this is such amazing feedback! I’m so happy you’re enjoying it and I’m excited to see what you think as the series goes on. 😁
'No one really remembers how it started, but I remember how it ended. Not with a roar, but with a whimper, as the last vestiges of humanity wandered the Earth with their tongues cut out.
It spread through language. Words became a pathogen. Communication was a death sentence. At one point, in a final act of desperation, people started cutting out the tongues of the infected. As if that would do anything. That’s when people started to refer to the infected as Hushed. Just like the disease itself, it caught on quickly.'
Simple, elegant, solid hooks - like a pro-MMA fighter hitting a combination on a heavy bag. This is how you break the rules of 'show, don't tell' by showing through telling. I like the fact you went from your TV interview to slamming the lid on humanity's coffin, while evoking meaning for the character and reader in the superficially uncertain title - the significance of 'Her Voice' becomes crystal clear. Again, very clean prose, with a denouement that precedes meaningful action. Good job, especially since I make no secret about being a snob 🧐
Haha, thank you so much! This is wonderful feedback, and you're absolutely right on the meaning of "Her Voice" becoming clear here. It sounds like you have high standards when it comes to writing, so I am honored that you've enjoyed this series so far!
You're welcome. I particularly like the name 'Hushed' for the infected, it's a very onomatopoeic word. I'd like to see some more characterisation as you're clearly capable of it, but that obviously depends on your scope intended for the story, in terms of length and depth. At the moment, it's a bit like a series of Picasso sketches where you're distilling the 'essence of the thing' down to its simplest form.
Absolutely, I'm glad you like the names I came up with (I usually joke that names are not my strong suit). I'd be curious to see how you like the character development in chapters 3-5, but I agree that scope limits that, to a point.
That being said, my cosmic horror novel I'm working on has 6 POVs and is very much an exercise in complex characters. It's also 35K words so far, so I have a lot more space to work with, haha.
Hey, if it's working as you intended it, then that's fine. There's just plenty of balls to kick (in either context) and a wide field to score with, as I see it. Six POVs is a lot to work with though, hope that's going alright! Do you have a final word count goal in mind for it?
I have two main protagonists in my books, who get full length chapters (5500 word avg), then I usually write shorter chapters for non-standard events or bit-pieces with the one deuteragonist I introduced in my second book, in addition to a page or two for the odd non-specific event like a dream vignette etc. Like you, I've come to control my pacing quite effectively in that regard.
Very nice, yeah six POVs is a lot, but between you and me, a few of them won't survive until the second book, haha.
The premise is also global in nature, so I wanted a wide variety of perspectives and types of people to show essentially the downfall of civilization from a few different angles.
That being said, I'm also focusing on making the characters feel unique, and so far, I feel like they all have a slightly difference "voice" which is good. I'm aiming for 70-80K words or so, currently just over 1/3 of the way through my outline.
Ahh, you'll have that done in no time. Is it something you intend to publish through Amazon or just on here / the net in general? Sounds like you have quite a macro scope to your storylines, based on 'Her Voice' and what you've imparted here.
I really enjoyed these chapters and I feel this one was even better than the last. This is definitely an amazing hook and I can’t wait to read more and found out even more information about this world you’ve created. Excellent work so far!
Hey, thank you so much for this awesome feedback! I’m really glad you’re enjoying it so far. I’ll be releasing new chapters daily, and the finale will also have multiple endings in a choose your own adventure format!
Wow that sounds dope! I can’t wait and honestly I hope some chapters are longer because this is great work.
Thank you so much, that means a lot. I do think the upcoming chapters are a bit longer. The finale will be the longest because there’s 4 endings (3 bad endings and one good, true ending).
Can’t wait to hear your thoughts on the rest of the series!
I’m on the edge of my seat! What will he find when he reaches her, I wonder?
Haha, I'm so glad you're enjoying it, Stephanie! I'll be posting new chapters daily (five total). The finale will also have a choose your own adventure element, so you'll get to decide how it ends!