“The debt for love isn’t collected at birth. It is exacted when one returns to the Earth.” That final line is devastating in its truth and perfectly placed. Your ability to weave sorrow, myth, and moral reckoning into tight, lyrical stanzas is lovely. This reads like a ritual in verse, timeless, haunting, and beautifully constructed.
Thank you so much! That’s something I constantly strive for in my poetry, so it’s amazing to hear that kind of feedback. With this one, I really wanted to lean into the ritualistic and haunting elements as well.
Really appreciate the thoughtful comment as always! 🙏
This is so awesome! It's funny, I went straight to the prompt and wrote my own story before I read what you wrote and its funny how similar they are! Great minds think alike hahaha. Excellent job!
Very nice story! I don't think I've ever read a poem with these stray sentencec between stanzas. On the one have, they break the flow. On the other hand, it was designed that way and one may ignore them when re-reading. So, it's all fine. Too bad ignorant and indifferent don't rhyme, but the rest of the poem rhymes solidly.
Thanks for checking it out, Anton! I appreciate the feedback as well, and I see where you're coming from. I can't believe I missed those two lines that clearly didn't rhyme, haha.
I went back and adjusted them, so I appreciate you letting me know!
Hell yeah. Love poetry like this with a story telling element. It also reminded me of what grief can do to you as well. A loneliness like the world should be shattering too.
Thanks Edward! Yeah, I read a narrative poem this week and it reminded me I wanted to try my hand at the concept. Glad you enjoyed it, and yes, your spot-on about the parallels here to grief and how it destroys our entire world.
Absolutely. I always try to make the last stanza of my poems have an impact, so feedback like this means I did my job. Thank you so much for checking it out!
“The debt for love isn’t collected at birth. It is exacted when one returns to the Earth.” That final line is devastating in its truth and perfectly placed. Your ability to weave sorrow, myth, and moral reckoning into tight, lyrical stanzas is lovely. This reads like a ritual in verse, timeless, haunting, and beautifully constructed.
Thank you so much! That’s something I constantly strive for in my poetry, so it’s amazing to hear that kind of feedback. With this one, I really wanted to lean into the ritualistic and haunting elements as well.
Really appreciate the thoughtful comment as always! 🙏
This is so awesome! It's funny, I went straight to the prompt and wrote my own story before I read what you wrote and its funny how similar they are! Great minds think alike hahaha. Excellent job!
Haha, that’s awesome. Thank you so much for checking it out, Caley! I’m going to read your new story now. 😁
Very nice story! I don't think I've ever read a poem with these stray sentencec between stanzas. On the one have, they break the flow. On the other hand, it was designed that way and one may ignore them when re-reading. So, it's all fine. Too bad ignorant and indifferent don't rhyme, but the rest of the poem rhymes solidly.
Thanks for checking it out, Anton! I appreciate the feedback as well, and I see where you're coming from. I can't believe I missed those two lines that clearly didn't rhyme, haha.
I went back and adjusted them, so I appreciate you letting me know!
Hell yeah. Love poetry like this with a story telling element. It also reminded me of what grief can do to you as well. A loneliness like the world should be shattering too.
Thanks Edward! Yeah, I read a narrative poem this week and it reminded me I wanted to try my hand at the concept. Glad you enjoyed it, and yes, your spot-on about the parallels here to grief and how it destroys our entire world.
You killed it, I loved this
That last stanza is so flipping powerful, like something on repeat as they go through it. Wow! Wow! Wow! 🖤🙌🖤
Absolutely. I always try to make the last stanza of my poems have an impact, so feedback like this means I did my job. Thank you so much for checking it out!
Wow this is very beautiful - it's cinematic and a heavy that lingers in your chest.
Excellent work!
Thanks Mina! Those are exactly the kinds of emotions I was going for. Really glad you enjoyed it!
I didn't know folk horror mixed with grief could be this good. Thank you for sharing